Umbrella rules for men - as seen by a woman

Types of umbrella

• Really, you don't want to have to use an umbrella. To do so is unmanly. A hood is preferable.
• If you simply must use an umbrella, the first choice is a golf umbrella, the bigger the better. The golf umbrella should be black, but it is just about acceptable to have colour, only if the colour is the logo of a large bank, or law firm.
• If you have to use the last resort of a "normal" sized umbrella, it MUST be black. Anything else is an assault on your manliness.

Umbrella etiquette

• Politeness is only for women using umbrellas.
• You do not need to consider the fact that the ends of your umbrella spokes are deadly weapons. You have a golf umbrella (you'd better do, or you're letting the side down, son), therefore you are bigger and better than anyone else, and they'll get out of your way. Or lose their eye. Which will, of course, be their own fault.
• When going past a bus stop on a narrow street, do not put your umbrella down. This is the option for the weak willed. Keep it up, thereby ensuring the people waiting at the bus stop will have to get out of your way. This is the correct order of things.

Crafting up a frenzy

I had some time off work, and decided to do....absolutely bugger all. Well, other than craft, and bond with my sofa.

So, this week I've made...a normal peacock

(which turned

into a commission for 2 peacocks, one red, one green

), a flying pig (that I'd promised for the Bright

on Twestival)

plus a mini flying pig as an apology for it taking a while

, a mini basket of roses,

a glass bottle full of rainbows,

a decorated horse / zebra, a miniature superman comic,

and a mini canvas...

And now...time to replant the triffid / spider plant into a bigger pot, and put the rhubarb and asparagus into pots and put on the window ledge.

Oh, and I need to deliver the pumpkin plant to Lorna...

The confusion of moi

Yeesh: mobile phones! I'm not usually a high tech girl with phones. I don't want an MP3 player (I have one already), or a camera (I have one of those too), I don't want anything else, I just want to make phone calls, and send texts.

But recently, I've been thinking. I pay £15 a month for a SIM only deal...and I bought my phone 18 months ago. Which means that there's no such things as an upgrade for me, or attempts to buy my loyalty. So, for a wee bit more a month, I could have a shiny new toy, and more benefits, including internet access, and a phone that doesn't have a fit for 3 days if someone tries to send me a picture text (which happened again this week - 5 failed text notifications a day on average for that).

So....I'm trying to figure out how to buy a phone. It ain't easy. I know what phone I want, so next was finding who supplies it...so there's 2 options. And, of course, I'll be going through a cashback site so I can get some money off. And I can't get the phone I want with a less than 24 month contract, so do I buy the phone for a discount and get a smaller monthly contract? Or pay for the phone entirely within the contract? I decided on buying the phone.

And then, I find out I can get free landline internet with the phone from one supplier, but the offer's only valid until the 20th. But I can't get through to my supplier to find when my landline contract ends.

And I try putting in the mobile phone and contract plan I want in the online basket, and the mobile internet access, which shows as being included on the package page, isn't there when I look at the basket detail, and is there as an extra £5 add-on option. But it's not an add-on: it's meant to be part of the package.

I called them, but after 5 mins on hold, I gave up.

I'm admitting defeat for the day...I've got a headache now!!

PHONES!!!